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The Dan Terry Seduction made no transfers in the second window
Manager: Mr Dan Terry (ENG)
Since: 2010
Trophy cabinet: empty
Sympathies: Kidderminster Harriers
| Hart, J | MCY | £20m |
| Fabio | MUN | £1m |
| Elokobi, G | WLV | £0.5m |
| King, L | TOT | £0.5m |
| Martin, R | NOR | £0.5m |
| Tiote, C | NEW | £0.5m |
| Malouda, F | CHE | £26m |
| Larsson, S | SUN | £6.5m |
| Osman, L | EVE | £5m |
| Crouch, P | STO | £8m |
| Odemwingie, P | WBA | £19m |
| £87.5m |
Lurliners made no transfers in the second window
Manager: Mr Luke Jones (ENG)
Since: 2011
Trophy cabinet: empty
Sympathies: Liverpool
| Howard, T | EVE | £9m |
| Gibbs, K | ARS | £6m |
| Enrique, J | LIV | £5m |
| Taylor, S | NEW | £9m |
| Collins, J | AVL | £8m |
| Young, A | MUN | £17.5m |
| Modric, L | TOT | £13m |
| Muamba, F | BOL | £0.5m |
| Johnson, B | NOR | £2.5m |
| Di Santo, F | WIG | £11m |
| Fletcher, S | WLV | £0.5m |
| £82m |
Just Put Carles made no transfers in the first or second window
Manager: Mr Carles Duz (CAT)
Since: 2011
Trophy cabinet: empty
Sympathies: Barcelona, Fulham
| Cech, P | CHE | £20m |
| Wilson, M | STO | £0.5m |
| Ward, S | WLV | £0.5m |
| Robinson, P | BOL | £0.5m |
| Walker, K | TOT | £0.5m |
| Gerrard, S | LIV | £26.5m |
| Silva, D | MCY | £22m |
| Coleman, S | EVE | £2.5m |
| Anderson | MUN | £0.5m |
| Zamora, B | QPR | £15.5m |
| Chamakh, M | ARS | £1.5m |
| £90.5m |
Despite the lack of seating there was no standing on ceremony at Friday’s auction.
Once the bidding was underway 30 players were sold in record time.
The high stakes of the Kenna aside early, managers were left to indulge in the comparatively risk-averse diversion of Leicester Square’s Empire Casino.
“An excellent turnout and a very professional operation indeed. Thank you to managers for making it such a memorable evening,” said the Chairman, trying to piece together events the next day from a wad of crumpled receipts in his wallet.
As is always the case after a transfer window, some new signings have jumped at the opportunity of a fresh start to take the game by the throat, while others…
Smash and grab raid of the window has to go to the Spartak Mogadishu boss, who picked up Papiss Demba Rodney Cisse for £500k.
“Yarrr! He be a fine vassal,” said the Spartak gaffer in a feudal moment.
Full teams and this week’s points will be available later in the week.
|
£15m |
Ox-Chamberlain, A | Young Boys |
| Pogrebnyak, P | Headless Chickens | |
|
£14m |
Sagna, B | Lokomotiv Leeds |
|
£13m |
Cisse, D | Pikey Scum |
|
£12m |
Pienaar, S | Bala Rinas |
| Pennant, J | Thieving Magpies | |
|
£11m |
Morison, S | Headless Chickens |
| Graham, D | Spartak Mogadishu | |
| Cahill, T | Newington Reds | |
|
£10m |
The Yak | Bala Rinas |
A strike in the seventh minute of stoppage time was not enough to keep Gabriel Obertan at Thieving Magpies.
The French midfielder scored one of six goals this week for the beleaguered club to catapult them out of the relegation zone for the first time since November.
Fellow Magpie Darren Pratley notched his first of the season too, but both players had the hangover from hell when the manager handed them their P45s the next day.
“It’s just too little, too late and to be honest, after buying Obertan in a phone bid, his contribution to the club hasn’t paid back the cost of the UK evening call,” said the ‘Pies gaffer while waiting until 7pm to call Karl Henry’s agent.
Another French, midefield, goal-scoring casualty this week was Charles N’Somnia.
The Newington Reds boss jettisoned the playmaker just hours before he netted his first of the term.
“Luckily there’s a lot of high-class talent out there to be signed,” said the Reds manager before meeting Youssouf Mulumbu for lunch at Subway.
Wales defender Ashley Williams has hit out at the Judean Peoples’ Front manager after details of an internal club memo were leaked to the media.
Williams, who was released by JPF ahead of this Friday’s transfer window, has taken exception to the heave ho and the contents of the memo written by the manager himself.
“I also have someone from Swansea – get rid of him.”
In the leaked communique the JPF boss says: “Could you remove the bloke that I have from QPR and Cleverly. I also have someone from Swansea – get rid of him.”
The £2.5m-rated defender, who has played every minute of the campaign so far this season, said: “If he can’t see that I’m giving my all week in week out, then he’s just incompetent and thoughtless.
“His man management skills are a shambles, that’s why the only person who’s playing well for him this season is Robin van Persie, and even he wants to leave.”
In his defence the JPF manager said: “It’s a case of sour grapes. The axe has swung and he needs to deal with it.”
Early indications are that suitors will be queuing up to sign Williams, with eight managers needing to fill holes in defence.
A full list of available players will be released by Friday morning.
Jermaine Defoe and Louis Saha playing paper, scissors, stone to see who’ll stay at PSV Mornington.
Vedran Corluka’s personal belongings being thrown out of a first-floor, terraced-house window by a teary-eyed Polonia Forsyth boss.
Andrey Asharvin in a cravat and smoking jacket telling the Hairy Fadjeetas gaffer “I go Mother Russia where make small tax and cheap car insurance”.
Just some of the footage we’d like to bring you today ahead of 12pm’s transfer submission deadline.
Instead, it’s the picture of the half-dressed girl with the developed quad again.
And Jim White making a rac1st slip of the tongue on live television.
“If you want to do business on Friday night send in your unwanted players by 12pm, otherwise you won’t be doing any business on Friday night,” said the Chairman while mixing cement in a disused warehouse.
Managers have until 12pm on Wednesday (1 February) to submit their unwanted players.
Submissions can be made directly to the Chairman or by emailing kennaleague@gmail.com.
Bidding will begin for available players next Friday at the second, and final, transfer night this season at 7.30pm.
The rules remain the same as for the first transfer night.
“This is the first ever Kenna event on a Friday and we’re excited,” said the Chairman, before dismissing claims that television scheduling had forced the administration’s hand.
“I must remind you that any manager found re-signing someone who has previously played for them this season will incur the Titus Bramble ruling. We look forward to finding someone who didn’t read this far.”
A clutch of top-scoring available players can be found below.
S Morison (Budgies) – 93
The Yak (Yakburn) – 90
Danny Graham (Swans) – 87
Holt (Budgies) – 78
Helguson (QPR) – 77
Richardson (Mackems) – 62
Ryan Taylor (Toon) – 62
J Allen (Swans) – 54
Formica (Blackburn) – 52
Jordi Gomez (Wigan) – 51
Heitinga (Everton) – 49
Bardsley (Mackems) – 44
Hibbert (Everton) – 43
Senderos (Fulham) – 43
McAuley (WBA) – 43
Lindegaard (Man U) – 39
Like Paul Daniels’ circular saw, the Canesten Combi Cup group stages almost ended the magic.
Seven of the eight teams to qualify for the quarter finals are in riding high in the top half of the league.
It was left to Hairy Fadjeetas to tear up the form book and represent the bottom half.
Despite losing their final group game to Vasco De Beauvoir, Fadjeetas edged through by a whisker on goal difference.
The Bikini Lane faithful will be glued to their radios live for next Friday night’s transfer window, when their side will be drawn in the knock-out stages.
The team have struggled this term with Andrey Asharvin and Fernando Torres performances leaving them in danger of going down.
“With our lacklustre efforts in the league and our marquee signings failing to make an impact, we need the Canesten Combi,” said the Fadjeetas boss to his local pharmacist.
“The other seven teams are all strong and we’ll have some pretty stiff competition to deal with, but I can tell them that now we’ll take some licking if they want to get through.”
Even with Rooney and Dzeko doing their best Shrek and Donkey impression up front, FC Testiculadew dominate the Kenna.
The club now enjoy an 82-point lead atop the league.
Attacking midfielder Clint Dempsey was the hip hop superstar a fortnight past.
‘Deuce’ the goal robot popped up again with another player-of-week hat-trick.
Two assists from Shaun Wright-Phillips, one from Marouane Fellaini and a John O’Shea clean sheet completed the rout.
“I’ve put off this kind of talk so far, but now I’ve got one hand on that tax-free prize money come May,” said the FCT boss, or ‘Monsieur Pickles Quarte-vingts’ as he’s known at the gaming tables of the principality.
