Fadges boss freed from jail again

THE manager of Hairy Fadjeetas has been granted an official pardon by the United Arab Emirates for the second time in three weeks as his side returned to the top of the Kenna League.

Roberto Firmino (14 points), Felipe Anderson (12), Juan Mata and Serge Aurier (both 10) put Fadges into first place and saved their manager from unspeakable human rights abuses in a UAE prison for a second time.

“This is getting silly,” said the Fadges boss, standing outside the prison in blood- and faeces-encrusted pyjamas.

“It’s the most competitive Kenna ever with a different team top every week. If this keeps up I’m going to be in and out of prison like John Warboys’ parole officer.”

The Kenna vice chairman’s side Young Boys went top. Every Young Boy scored points except goalkeeper Marcus Betinelli who didn’t register for the seventh straight week.

Fadges had the last laugh, or took first blood, over Young Boys in the first round of Krakow Cup fixtures winning by more than 20 points.

The result put the Dubai-based manager top of the league-and-cup-double stakes according to the chalkstripes in Kenna HQ’s speculations department.

Elsewhere in the so-called ‘group of death’, reigning Kenna champions Pikey Scum beat cup specialists Dynamo Charlton.

Scum lie just seven points off the league leaders.

Kenna table – week 15

Full scores available from The Rub.

Kenna week 15 - 11 December 2018
Kenna week 15 – 11 December 2018
Krakow Cup - 11 December 2018
Krakow Cup – 11 December 2018
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Euro 2016-style cup draw unveiled

YOUNG Boys were back on top of the table this week as The Most Competitive Ever Kenna Season continues apace.

Alexandre Lacazette’s goal brought mixed emotions for the vice chairman, who was watching proceedings on Sunday afternoon with the chairman in the Tottenham Beehive.

Human rights groups are on high alert as the Hairy Fadjeetas manager, who was given a reprieve by United Arab Emirates state security last week, slipped into second place.

Both Fadges and Young Boys find themselves up against each other in Group D of this season’s Krakow Cup competition, which kicks off this weekend.

Last year’s cup ‘winners‘ find themselves in Group A.

Kenna HQ has announced a new Euro 2016-style group draw, with all 24 teams in this year’s league competing for places in the last 16.

After playing each other once, the top two teams from each group qualify for the next stage of the tournament.

The six third-placed teams will be pitted against each other, with the top four of those also going through.

It sounded complicated in the summer of 2016, and it still sounds complicated now. Here’s how it works.

Group A
Piss Poor
Craving Cottaging
Walthamstow Reds

Group B
Clotted Cream First
Thieving Magpies
FC Testiculadew

Group C
Fat Ladies
Don’t Know Yet
Tottenham Network Solutions
Test Team, Please Ignore

Group D
Hairy Fadjeetas
Young Boys
Pikey Scum
Dynamo Charlton

Group E
Mo Me The Mane
Cowley Casuals
Dulwich Red Sox
Chairman’s XI

Group F
Lokomotiv Leeds
Judean Peoples’ Front
Bala Rinas
Sporting Lesbian


Group games

11 December
8 January
22 January
Last 16 (two legs)
12 Feb
25 Feb
QF (two legs)
12 March
19 March
SF (two legs)
16 April
30 April
14 May

Kenna table – week 14

Kenna week 14 - 3 December 2018
Kenna week 14 – 3 December 2018

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