Rising to the top

NEWINGTON Reds all but won the Kenna League on the weekend, but failed register a double.

The debutant manager at Clotted Cream First defeated Reds in a tense Krakow Cup final.

The Wile. E. Coyote of set pieces Trent Alexander-Arnold was the difference, a clean sheet and two assists earning him 13 points.

“Trent be a helluva bhuy, gert lush ee iz,” drawled the Devonian manager of The Cream.

“Fan zee zat, a Janner scoopinnt Krakoff dreckly ee be int Kenna? Although I was savage to see me bhuy Ake gettin minus two. Madazza barbed wire badger, ee iz.”

While Clotted Cream First shaved Reds in the cup, in the league second-placed Hairy Fadjeetas are in no danger shaving anything.

Third placed Fat Ladies also appear unlikely to shave anything from Hairy Fadjeetas’ 13-point advantage this Saturday. Fadges take Raheem Sterling into the game, while Ladies rely on Americ Laporte.

There’s an outside chance Bala Rinas could spring 18 points into third place if Gerard Deulofeu and Ederson combine.

Krakow Cup final – individual scores

Newington Reds 30 – Fab 2, J Evans 7, Robertson 7, Coady 1, C Taylor 0, Mili 1, Hojbjerg 2, Camarasa 0, Babel 1, Murray 7, Higuain 2

Clotted Cream First 33 – Lloris 1, TAA 13, Ake -2, Lascelles 7, Nordtveit 0, McArthur 4, Xhaka 0, H Costa 0, Barkley 2, Kun 7, Austin 1

Kenna week 36

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No coming back

IN a week of dramatic football comebacks the Kenna failed to deliver in spectacular fashion as Newington Reds marched undisturbed towards a maiden league title.

Glenn Murray and Gonzalo Higuain (as I said, unspectacular) were both on target to put yet more distance between Newington Reds and the rest of the league.

However, the weekend will be far from a Sunday stroll for the trophyless Reds boss, who will be keen to claim the double by outperforming Kenna debutants Clotted Cream First in the Krakow Cup final.

It will be no easy task. The Devonian manager at ‘The Dairy’ lists final-day specialist Sergio Aguero and set-piece maverick Trent Alexander-Arnold among his ranks.

Battle for second place in the league sees more pressure heaped on the Hairy Fadjeetas manager, who topped the table for most of the season before being usurped by Reds.

Going into the weekend 2008 Kenna champions Fat Ladies ‘snap at the Fadge’, and Ladies’ trio Eden Hazard, Jamie Vardy and Virgil van Dyke are favourites to overturn a 10-point gap.

Not only are the Fadges missing Roberto Firmino to injury, but the boss has been under intense scrutiny from United Arab Emirates authorities for some time.

Rumours abound in the Persian Gulf the Fadges boss fled the region stowed away in an Emirates cabin drinks trolley having formed a relationship with an airline employee.

The Yorkshireman’s exact whereabouts are unknown outside reports from the Swiss Alps he was seen in an Irish bar buying two pints for himself at the same time and telling anyone who would listen he ‘couldn’t give a fucking bollocks’.

At the other end of the table, where the bottom five face relegation, the Kenna’s only Somali manager dropped into the danger zone. Danny Baker has since deleted a tweet.

Kenna table week 35

Full scores available from The Rub.

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