Bungling F1 suits: ‘Kenna our inspiration’

ADMINISTRATORS behind Sunday’s farcical finish to the Formula 1 season in Abu Dhabi have claimed they were inspired by the world’s leading London pub-based fantasy football league.

Accused of ‘making it up as they went along’ to snatch the world title from Lewis Hamilton on the last lap, the FIA defended their handling of a late safety car incident saying it was ‘Kenna League best practice’.

‘For me the best part of the Kenna auction is when league blazers argue over how to interpret the signing of an illegal player using the Titus Bramble forfeit process,’ said F1 Race Director Michael Masi.

‘Bramble regulations are written down somewhere, but these appear to be largely discarded in favour of an arbitrary and subjective ruling based on factors such as which player the manager could lose, how much they paid for him, past Kenna success, how far into the Gary Player they are, and whether it will send the vice chairman into a 10-minute rant.

‘When that safety car came out at the Yas Marina circuit I immediately knew I could ‘Give it the Bramble’,’said Masi.

The Kenna chairman welcomed Masi’s comments.

‘Leading sports administrators should always look to learn best practice from each other, it’s why we regularly enjoy a Zurich lunch at Kenna HQ while being wary of Yorkshiremen.’

The Kenna and the FIA have a rich shared history. While the 2008 Kenna auction took place at the Edgar Wallace on Essex Street, just around the corner FIA president Max Moseley won a case at the Royal Courts of Justice to the effect that even though he took part in a Nazi-themed orgy the newspapers shouldn’t have published it.

‘Max has been close to the heart of our list of Bramble forfeit players ever since,’ said the chairman.

Kenna League week 14

Kenna week 14 - 14 December 2021
Kenna week 14 – 13 December 2021
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Kenna auction ‘wasn’t a party’

Families of Covid victims have expressed outrage over reports the world’s leading London pub-based fantasy football league held a party in violation of social distancing restrictions.

Kenna HQ maintains the August auction was an ‘essential’ activity respecting Covid rules, but a photo of an obscene bar bill which emerged this week has drawn infuriated criticism.

‘The August auction was essential league business attended by only six managers in person. It certainly did not include cheese, wine, Christmas jumpers, or a Secret Santa. The fact it included countless pints of Neck Oil is neither here nor there,” guffawed the Kenna chairman at a press conference rehearsal.

Repeated denials a party took place have angered the public, many of whom have pointed out someone died from Covid for every time a manager signed an overpriced player.

With pressure mounting on the Kenna executive, the chairman was forced to send out a sacrificial lamb.

In a tearful address outside his London home this morning, the vice chairman said: “I will regret my decision not to attend the auction for the rest of my life.

“The British people have made immense sacrifices in the battle against Covid-19.

“To all of you who lost loved ones, endured intolerable loneliness and struggled with your businesses – I am sorry and this afternoon I have offered my resignation to the chairman.”

The Kenna HQ faithful broke ranks to condemn the league’s actions.

“Young people look to the Kenna League as a moral guide and the pinnacle of achievement on equal terms. Those young people have not only been led astray, they’ve been severely let down,” said Kenna Head of Child Safeguarding Ghislaine Maxwell.

Kenna League week 13

Kenna week 13 - 7 December 2021
Kenna week 13 – 7 December 2021

Kenna League week 12

Kenna week 12 – 1 December 2021

Kenna League week 11

Kenna week 11 – 24 November 2021
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