THE Dulwich Red Sox manager is not eligible for any Kenna prize money because he has failed to pay a single penny of subs since 2011, according to league authorities.
Moving to an unprecedented second place in the table this week, the DRS manager is enjoying his best ever season in the Kenna with strong contributions from Mo Salah (150 points), Raul Jiminez (111) and Richarlison (97), but it could all be for nothing.
‘We’re sending a strong message to managers they must pay their subs,’ read a statement from Kenna HQ.
‘The Dulwich Red Sox manager has continually flouted requests to pay any monies whatsoever to the league and currently owes £100. He just turns up at auctions and talks b0ll0cks.’
The parsimonious DRS manager claims he has a longstanding appeal with the Kenna over a Daniel-Sturridge-first-to-score-sweepstake misunderstanding in August 2013.
Interviewed backstage at a badly-organised live music event, the DRS manager says he still refuses to cover his subs until the bet is honoured.
‘I get a sniff of league success and now I hear the Kenna isn’t going to pay out. At first it left me with a numb feeling and now I just have so much emotion rushing around inside me I’ll be up all night.’
A habitual absentee from transfer windows, the DRS manager faces a big decision this Friday if he wants to stay in with a chance of at least maintaining his league position.
Key player Aaron Ramsey is heading to Germany, Gary Cahill’s scored three points all season and Claudio Bravo is yet to appear. Nearly £30m is in the Dulwich Red Sox coffers.
Like the rest of the league, the DRS manager has until 9am on Friday to submit his released players to Kenna HQ before the window opens that night at 7pm in the Hoop & Grapes.
Krakow Cup – knock out stage fixtures
Last 16 – first leg: 12 February, second leg: 26 February
- Turnpike Pirates v Test Team please ignore
- Clotted Cream First v Fat Ladies
- Hairy Fadjeetas v Dagger’n’Redbridge
- Piss Poor v Pikey Scum
- Tottenham Network Solutions v Newington Reds
- Lokomotiv Leeds v Chairman’s XI
- Dulwich Red Sox v Dynamo Charlton
- Thieving Magpies v Sporting Lesbian
Quarter final – first leg: 5 March, second leg: 19 March
A. 1 v 3
B. 2 v 6
C. 5 v 7
D. 4 v 8
Semi final – first leg: 9 April, second leg: 23 April
A v B
C v D
Final – 14 May