Kenna League auction rules – September 2023

The 19th annual Kenna League auction takes place in The Mitre Lancaster Gate this Saturday (16 September).

Refined over the last 18 years, rules for the world’s leading London pub-based fantasy football league are laid out below.

While ‘Bramble rules’ are well known, managers should pay particular attention their obligations under new bidding rules, and to the new sin bin process.

The Titus Bramble ruling is further clarified, particularly the grey area which previously existed around Brambling when a bid is live, which shall be known as ‘grey’ Brambling.

The trading card packs section has the potential to seriously manipulate the auction market. The competitive Kenna manager ought to make themself familiar with this twist on the tried and tested ‘World Cup sticker packs’ game.


  1. Bramble rules
  2. Bidding rules
  3. Titus Bramble ruling
  4. ‘Grey’ Brambling
  5. Sin bin – process
  6. Sin bin – auction offences
  7. Sin bin – pub offences
  8. Autofill
  9. Trading card packs
  10. Transfer window

1. Bramble rules

  1. £100m budget
  2. 4-4-2
  3. No more than one player from a PL club
  4. Lowest value for a player is £0.5m
  5. No bidding £0.5m after £1m
  6. Positions as per the newspaper fantasy football competition

2. Bidding rules

  1. Managers take it in turns to introduce players to auction, starting to the auctioneer’s left
  2. Once the last player sale is recorded, the next manager has 20 seconds to introduce a player name (plus position and club if asked by the auctioneer) or they will be sin binned.
  3. The manager should only give one name in the 20-second timeframe. Saying a name then quickly retracting it will get the manager sin binned.
  4. Every manager must introduce a player in each round, with the exception of the auctioneer.
  5. If a manager tries to introduce a player outside of his 20-second timeframe, either before the last player sale is recorded or when it is not his turn, they will get sin binned.
  6. Any manager bidding point five after £1m will get sin binned.

3. Titus Bramble ruling

  1. Ilegal player returned to the pot and manager fined half the value paid
  2. Space filled with Bramble player
  3. Two players from the same PL club – more expensive player removed
  4. Too many players in one position – last purchase returned to the pot, most expensive player in the position returned to the pot, manager fined half the value of the latter, space filled with Bramble player
  5. Manager goes over budget – most expensive player returned to the pot, manager fined half the value paid, space filled with Bramble player
  6. The Titus Bramble ruling is only triggered once the hammer has come down on a player sale. 
  7. Once the TB ruling details are confirmed the offending manager is sin binned.

4. ‘Grey’ Brambling

There is a grey area in the TB ruling when a manager either introduces a player or bids on a player that would trigger the Titus Bramble ruling if signed. This is shall be known as ‘grey’ Brambling, and the following rules are introduced to deter it:

  1. If a manager makes a grey Bramble bid all other managers should stop bidding so the hammer can come down and the TB ruling is triggered
  2. If a manager has made a grey Bramble bid, but another manager has outbid him, the bid stays live and the grey Brambler is sin binned after the player is eventually sold
  3. If a manager makes a grey Bramble bid and no one notices, the manager is free from any reprisals after the hammer comes down on that player.

5. Sin bin – process

  1. Only the chairman, or a second chosen by the chairman, can sin bin a manager
  2. If a manager is sin binned they cannot bid on any players for 10 minutes
  3. If the manager chooses to remain in the auction room while sin binned they cannot take a seat at the table, they must sit in the designated area in the corner of the room. The 10 minutes starts when the manager sits in the sin bin or leaves the room
  4. If a manager spots someone committing a sin bin offence they can bring this to the attention of the chairman, but must do so in a polite manner

6. Sin bin – auction offences

  1. Quickly retracting a bid
  2. Triggering the Titus Bramble forfeit
  3. Buying a player no longer in the Premier League
  4. Buying a player with a long-term injury
  5. Asking the auctioneer any questions during bidding
  6. Bidding point five after £1m (even in jest)
  7. Signing Erling Haaland
  8. Bidding while on the pavement outside the pub
  9. Attempting to introduce a player before the last sale is recorded
  10. Attempting to introduce a player when it’s not your turn
  11. Taking more than 20 seconds to introduce a player when it’s your turn
  12. Failing to meet a request from the chairman

7. Sin bin – pub offences

  1. Buying a one-drink round
  2. Switching the TV from the agreed channel
  3. The team you support scores a goal – doesn’t apply if you’re in the sin bin
  4. Sexually assaulting a professional footballer
  5. Dismembering a journalist

8. Autofill

  1. If a manager finishes the auction with spaces in their team, those spaces will be autofilled by charts and graphs at a value of £0.5m per player.
  2. At the February transfer window, all autofilled players have a buyout clause of £0.5m.

9. Trading card packs

  1. At various intervals in the auction (decided by the chairman) official PL trading card packs will be sold. The packs contain six players.
  2. The manager with the highest bid can choose which player to sign from the six in the pack. Bramble rules apply.
  3. If one of the players in the pack has already been signed by another manager (Manager B), either from a previous pack or after a routine bid, the manager who bought the pack (Manager A) can compulsory purchase that player for the value paid for the pack. Manager B will either make or lose money from the sale depending on how much they initially paid for the player.
  4. The difference in value between what Manager B paid and what Manager A paid for a compulsory purchased player determines that player’s buyout clause at the February window.

10. Transfer window

  1. The transfer window takes place on the first Saturday in February (3 February 2024)
  2. Managers must send the chairman their players to be released by midday on Friday 2 February
  3. There are no transfer bonuses, so managers only take what is left of their £100m at auction, plus any money generated from player sales at the window
  4. Autofill players have a buyout clause of £0.5m
  5. Compulsory purchase players have a buyout clause agreed at the auction (see rule 9.4)
  6. A manager cannot re-sign a player they have released that season, but they can sign a player compulsory purchased from them at the auction if they can meet the buyout clause.
  7. The league champions are crowned in May. The eleven players in a manager’s team post-transfer window start scoring points for next season from August. Ahead of the September auction all players are released.
  8. Auction absentees not submitting silent bids will receive an average remaining budget of all other managers for the transfer window.
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Reds manager fails to defend Kenna title despite promises

Oxford Reds failed to win the back-to-back Kenna titles, finishing eighth 12 months after promising to ‘defend the title with honour’.

After vowing not to buy players ‘the likes of Kurt Zouma and Nathan Collins’ in the 2022/23 auction, the Reds manager proceeded to buy Kurt Zouma for £1m and Nathan Collins for £0.5m.

Many have said ‘I told you so’ after questioning the manager’s ability to perform back-t0-back titles after the Reds franchise moved from London to the south Midlands.

Barry Town won the Kenna for first time in four seasons of competition.

With the Covid Cup a casualty of supply chain issues linked to the pandemic recovery and the invasion of Ukraine, the Clotted Cream First manager could be the last ever Kenna cup winner.

Kenna season 2022/23 – Manager of the Month

Full scores available in The Rub.

Prize money

Barry Town – £190 (Champions: £150, MOTMx4: £40)

Young Boys – £70 (Runner up: £50, MOTMx2: £20)

Chairman’s XI – £25 (third place)

Pikey Scum – £10 (Wenger Trophy)

Test Team – £10 (MOTM)

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Reds manager vows to defend second Kenna title with honour

Walthamstow Reds won the Kenna for the second time in three years with the manager vowing to ‘defend the title with honour’.

‘We’re delighted to claim our second Kenna title and it will certainly be among the international news highlights of May 2022, like the ongoing Depp v Heard defamation court case and Sam Ryder technically winning Eurovision,’ said the Reds boss.

‘But now the challenge is to win back-to-back championships next season. That’s straight talk, not marketing speak, and shows how much the world’s leading London pub-based fantasy football league means to the club and me as a manager.’.

Many have questioned the manager’s ability to perform such a feat with the Reds franchise rumoured to be moving the south Midlands next season.

‘We will defend the title with honour,’ said the manager. ‘When I go to the 2022/23 auction as the manager of Oxford Reds I’ll be looking to sign top talent, and not the likes of Kurt Zouma or Nathan Collins.’

The Clotted Cream First manager won the Covid Cup for the second time in three years, and is being hailed as ‘Pandemic Cup Specialist’.

Kenna season 2021/22 – Manager of the Month

Full scores available from The Rub.

Prize money

Walthamstow Reds – £170 (Champions: £150, MOTMx2: £20)

Clotted Cream First – £155 (Cup winner: £75, Runner up: £50, MOTMx3: £30)

Molesey Massive – £35 (Third: £25, MOTM: £10)

Dynamo Charlton – £30 (Wenger Trophy: £10, MOTMx2: £20)

Barry Town – £10 (MOTM)

Thame Network Solutions – £10 (MOTM)

Kenna week 34

Kenna week 33 - 24 May 2022
Kenna week 34 – 24 May 2022

Covid Cup Final

Clotted Cream First 26 – 23 Pikey Scum

Kenna week 33

Kenna week 33 - 20 May 2022
Kenna week 33 – 20 May 2022

Kenna week 32

Kenna week 32 - 10 May 2022
Kenna week 32 – 10 May 2022

Kenna week 31

Kenna week 31 - 3 May 2022
Kenna week 31 – 3 May 2022
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Free to a good home

Two potential future Kenna chairmen. Hardly witnessed any substance abuse and content to watch Polish satellite television Premier League multi room for limited periods before demanding badly-written, dog-themed American animation show. Promising careers beckon but feud over Kenna top job ascendancy possible. Would love to keep them but seriously hinder administration of the world’s leading London pub-based fantasy football league.

February, March, April season highlights

  • Molesey Massive have clung onto lead at the top of the table, despite surge from Walthamstow Reds which sees the sides within a point of each other at the end of April
  • Top six positions remained unchanged for three months until Barry Town edged ahead of Thame Network Solutions last week
  • Thieving Magpies have twice climbed out of the relegation zone before twice sliding back in
  • Clotted Cream First reach third Covid Cup final in four seasons. Cream beat two times cup winner the Chairman in the semi final
  • Cream face Pikey Scum in the final next weekend. Whoever wins will be the first manager in the history of the Kenna to win three cups

Kenna week 30

Full scores available from The Rub

Kenna week 26 – 26 April 2022

Kenna week 29

Kenna week 29 – 19 April 2022

Covid Cup semi final second leg

Chairman 21 (56) – 41 (82) Clotted Cream First
Reds 31 (52) – 22 (57) Pikey Scum

Kenna week 28

Kenna week 28 – 12 April 2022

Covid Cup semi final first leg

Chairman 35 – 41 Clotted Cream First
Reds 21 – 35 Pikey Scum

Kenna week 27

Kenna week 27 – 5 April 2022

Covid Cup quarter final second leg

Chairman 23 (67) – 23 (52) Dynamo Charlton
Clotted Cream First 28 (69) – 30 (65) Craft Beer Wankers
Molesley Massive 29 (54) – 28 (71) Reds
Barry Town 16 (52) – 32 (61) Pikey Scum

Kenna week 26

Kenna week 26 - 22 March 2022
Kenna week 26 – 22 March 2022

Covid Cup quarter final first leg

Chairman 44 – 29 Dynamo Charlton
Clotted Cream First 41 – 35 Craft Beer Wankers
Molesley Massive 25 – 43 Reds
Barry Town 36 – 29 Pikey Scum

Kenna week 25

Kenna week 25 - 15 March 2022
Kenna week 25 – 15 March 2022

Covid Cup last 16 second leg

Chairman 59 (86) – 16 (44) Dark Lord
Dynamo Charlton 38 (61) – 27 (36) Hairy Fadjeetas
Piss Poor 34 (80) – 48 (87) Clotted Cream First
TNS 45 (84) – 37 (92) Craft Beer Wankers
Molesley Massive 50 (90) – 29 (41) Daggers
Cowley Casuals 46 (105) – 53 (110) Reds
Barry Town 42 (70) – 7 (17) Bala Rinas
Lokomotiv 31 (62) – 39 (63) Pikey Scum

Kenna week 24

Kenna week 24 - 9 March 2022
Kenna week 24 – 9 March 2022

Covid Cup last 16 first leg

Chairman 27 – 28 Dark Lord
Dynamo Charlton 23 – 9 Hairy Fadjeetas
Piss Poor 46 – 39 Clotted Cream First
TNS 39 – 55 Craft Beer Wankers
Molesley Massive 40 – 12 Daggers
Cowley Casuals 59 – 57 Reds
Barry Town 28 – 10 Bala Rinas
Lokomotiv 31 – 24 Pikey Scum

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Chairman’s keynote address to the 17th Kenna transfer window

The Colton Arms, West Kensington, Saturday 5 February 2022, 1pm

Welcome to the Kenna transfer window, the first in-person transfer
window for two years.

And what a couple of years it’s been. Looking around at the faces gathered here today I can see lockdown, the anxiety, the stress, it’s really taken its toll.

I look in the eyes of managers and I can see they’re emptier than Anfield when Liverpool won their first Premier League. Emptier even than 10 March 2001 in Woking Pizza Express.

But salvation is here. The Kenna transfer window is upon us and your wellbeing is restored. At least until you start signing players.

Over the last two years the world has changed in many ways, but one phenomenon of particular note is the traditional elites becoming more accountable for their personal conduct.

No longer does enormous wealth, fame, or political power insulate your ethical failings.

The prime minister can’t have a drink at work.

Novak Djokovic can’t get into Australia.

Harvey Weinstein can’t get laid.

Prince Andrew can’t not sweat all over a teenage girl, even a teenage
who’s procuring more teenage girls for him not to sweat over.

Idris Elba can’t even get into this pub.

So amongst all this moral consternation you had every right to arrive today concerned.

Concerned that with many traditional power structures being uprooted the Kenna executive may not be beyond reproach.

As your chairman I’m her to tell you those concerns are completely unfounded. The Kenna League is here to stay.

The admin errors, the vague rules around the Titus Bramble forfeit ruling, the vice chairman not pulling his weight. Everything you know about the Kenna remains untouched.

But I bring a stark warning. Now I’m not the kind of autocratic, fear mongering leader who would create an enemy out of thin air to further legitimise my own iron grip on the regime, but the Kenna has emerged from the pandemic with a new enemy: Autofillism.

Too many managers are leaving the fortunes of their team to the autofill. Too many managers are not coming to the pub. Too many managers are not buying a round.

Let’s take one of the biggest proponents of autofillism, the Judean Peoples’ Front manager.

He hasn’t turned up to a Kenna event for so long I was beginning to take it personally.

But then I checked his social media accounts. I saw the classic car rallies in Italy, the auctions in Pebble Beach, the hobnobbing in the south of France, and I realised Breivik is just as absent a father as he is a Kenna manager.

And there you have it: the worst insult that could possibly levelled at anyone in the league, and Breivik isn’t even here to respond.

Because it turns out he’s just as absent a Kenna manager as he is a father.

Nevertheless, to counter the rising threat of autofillism next season rules will be introduced to punish those absent and reward those present.

The rules are likely to involve buyout clauses at the February transfer window for autofilled players. The rules are likely to be draconian. The rules are likely to be ill-conceived and easily misunderstood.

But that’s the Kenna. That’s why you keep coming back. Most of you certainly don’t come to win anything.

Let the transfer window begin.

Covid Cup quarter final first leg fixtures this weekend

Chairman v Dark Lord
Dynamo Charlton v Hairy Fadjeetas
Piss Poor v Clotted Cream First
TNS v Craft Beer Wankers
Molesley Massive v Daggers
Cowley Casuals v Reds
Barry Town v Bala Rinas
Lokomotiv v Pikey Scum

Kenna League week 23

Full scores available from The Rub.

Kenna week 23 – 22 February 2022

Kenna League week 22

Kenna week 22 – 15 February 2022
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SUE Gray has completely exonerated the chairman of any wrongdoing in her report filed this week.

The inquiry found the vice chairman guilty of touching several children in his club’s academy, and Sue Gray has reported him to the police.

The vice chairman’s side was ditched out of the Covid Cup this week ahead of the knockout round, along with Judean Peoples’ Front, Thieving Magpies, and Test Team (please ignore).

“When I arrive at the transfer window on Saturday the chairman’s going to get both barrels,” fumed the vice chairman while loading his colonial cosplay elephant gun.

Even though the window promises to be a special event, with many league members not having seen each other in person for at least two years, the managers of Reds and Casuals maintain they’ll be drinking nothing stronger than coffee on the 10.34 from Oxford.

Transfer window schedule this Saturday

11.37am – Idris Elba tries to get into the Colton Arms but is turned away

12pm – managers gather in the Colton Arms

12.45pm – window opens

6pm – window closes

Free agents scoring at least three points a week this season

Rudiger – 101
Ramsdale – 99
Kilman – 91
Emmanuel Dennis – 86
Fornals – 85
Saiss – 82
Norgaard – 79
Smith Rowe – 79
Mbuemo – 78
Regulion – 75
Edouard – 75
Rice – 75
Canos – 71
Odegaard – 71
Josh King – 69
Kovacic – 69
Gundogan – 68
Townsend – 67
Hojbjerg – 67
Tomiyasu – 66
Krul – 65
Buendia – 63
McTominay – 63
Mac Allister – 63
Moder – 62
Janelt – 61
Jacob Ramsey – 61

Released players and war chests

Managers may release one additional wildcard player at any time during the window

ManagerReleasedBramble tiedWar chestGaps
Bala RinasCedric, Hendo, Thiago, Savile70.5DF, MFx2, ST
FadgesBertrand, Holgate, Taylor, Ndombele, Jensen70DFx3, MFx2
Test TeamAurier, Cahill, Bailey, GreenwoodDigne/Bailey57.5DFx2, MF, ST
Lokomotiv LeedsPVA, Holding, Havertz, Rodri, Martial51.5DFx2, MFx2, ST
PirateBen Davies, Ryan Fraser42DF, MF
Piss PoorPereira, Traore B, Maitland-Niles39DF, MFx2
Vice chairmanAreola, Mendy, Zouma, J Rod, Burn, Gil, Barnes36GK, DFx3, MFx2, ST
DaggersFred, Doucoure, Nketiah36MFx2, ST
Pikey ScumLo Celso35.5MF
Cowley CasualsLeno, Fofana, Doherty26.5GK, DFx2
Barry TownBoly, Bellerin, Young, Eze, Joelinton26DFx3, MF, ST
CreamF Torres, A Traore25.5ST, MF
Reverse CowboysAbraham25ST
Dynamo CharltonWan-Bissaka, Wilson C23.5DF, ST
Molseley MassiveShaw, Targett, Pulisic, Ayoze14.5DFx2, MFx2
Dark LordAuba, Chilwell14DF, ST
RedsGodfrey, Pepe, Benteke14DF, MF, ST

Kenna League week 20

Full scores available from The Rub.

Kenna week 20 - 25 January 2022
Kenna week 20 – 25 January 2022

Kenna League week 19

Kenna week 19 - 18 January 2022
Kenna week 19 – 18 January 2022

Covid Cup group stage final standings

Covid Cup - 25 January 2022
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50 shades of Sue Gray

SUE Gray will lead an inquiry into allegations the world’s leading London pub-based fantasy football league’s cup competition is corrupt.

The vice chairman and Thieving Magpies manager were stunned this week to find four rounds of the Covid Cup had already been played and they were both already knocked out. They have welcomed Sue Gray’s investigation.

“Sue Gray will absolutely find the Kenna chairman is rotten to the core, and Sue Gray will found out in the only way Sue Gray can,” said the vice chairman.

“If Sue Gray does what Sue Gray does best, the chairman will be found out for what he is: a lying, cheating administrator, and what he is not: Sue Gray.”

Top of Sue Gray’s to do list is uncovering why the Covid Cup scores were not published until this week even though the competition has been running since early December. The Thieving Magpies backed Sue Gray.

“When I lie awake at night trying to make sense of how both the chairman and the league treasurer are top of their respective cup groups, I think of Sue Gray,” said the Pies manager.

“If anyone can get the bottom of this, it’s Sue Gray. Anyone who knows Sue Gray will know Sue Gray will do everything possible in the most Sue Gray way Sue Gray can. Implicitly, I trust Sue Gray.”

Interviewed as he arrived at Kenna HQ this morning, the chairman said: “I don’t know why Sue Gray has been brought in, when clearly there’s nothing for Sue Gray to uncover.

“The cup scores are genuine so I’m more than happy for Sue Gray to look into it, because Sue Gray won’t find out what Sue Gray won’t find out. What Sue Gray will find out is the cup scores are above board. Above my board, above the league’s board, above the cup competition’s board, and most importantly of all above Sue Gray’s board.

“If I know Sue Gray like I know Sue Gray, then I know Sue Gray will bring everything Sue Gray has to the table. It’s known to those who know Sue Gray as ‘Full Sue Gray’, and I will happily bare all for full Sue Gray, or come to that half Sue Gray, third Sue Gray, quarter Sue Gray, or fifteenth Sue Gray.

“I’m simply concerned the vice chairman is using his long-running vendetta against me, the chairman, to bring in Sue Gray over a non-Sue Gray matter, which in all honesty will be a waste of time for me, a waste of time for the league, and crucially a waste of time for Sue Gray.”

Rumours abound Sue Gray will also investigate the league’s finances, and an alleged conspiracy between the chairman, the treasurer, and the Cuddington Reverse Cowboys boss to syphon manager subscriptions into an offshore Ponzi scheme which is invisible to anyone called Sue Gray.

“If Sue Gray wants to inspect our balance sheets, Sue Gray can bring all the financial knowledge Sue Gray has accumulated in the lifetime of Sue Gray, and Sue Gray will discover just one thing: our balance sheets balance to satisfaction of Sue Gray,” said the treasurer.

Sue Gray was unavailable for comment.

Kenna League week 18

Full scores available from The Rub.

Kenna week 18 – 11 January 2022

Covid Cup – group stage round four

Covid Cup – 11 January 2022
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‘Managerial talent poverty’ still rife in the Kenna

MANAGERIAL talent poverty is still rife in London pub-based fantasy football in 2022, according to a damning report released this week.

Published by a leading fantasy football charity the report titled ‘You’re shit, do you know you are?’ uses data science to pinpoint at least five managers in the Kenna League who despite years of competition are still ‘shit’.

Roland van Hauwermeiren, who was appointed director of the Kenna Foundation in 2018 with a glowing CV in the charity sector, said: “How can this still be happening in 2022? I honestly thought when I took this job any manager could win the Kenna and I’d just be helping them with their substance abuse issues – incidentally, I was also made promises about girls that haven’t been kept – but we still see managers struggling in the Kenna season after season.

“The league has been running for 17 years but time and again managers like Breivik and the Pirate come up short (it’s no wonder they’ve stopped paying their syndicate contributions…). Look at Walthamstow Reds, they’re evidence if you stick around long enough you’ll win.”

The Christmas period saw Molesey Massive extend their lead at the top of the Kenna over Dynamo Charlton, but with respective star players Mo Salah and Sadio Mane on duty in Africa for the next few weeks the opportunity is there for Joao Cancelo’s Walthamstow Reds pull back some points.

At the foot of the table, Young Boys are finding it almost as hard to get out of the relegation zone as Novak Djokovic is to get through Australian immigration. Shots in the arm needed all round.

Kenna League weeks 15 to 17

Full scores available from The Rub.

Kenna weeks 15 to 17 – 4 January 2022
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Bungling F1 suits: ‘Kenna our inspiration’

ADMINISTRATORS behind Sunday’s farcical finish to the Formula 1 season in Abu Dhabi have claimed they were inspired by the world’s leading London pub-based fantasy football league.

Accused of ‘making it up as they went along’ to snatch the world title from Lewis Hamilton on the last lap, the FIA defended their handling of a late safety car incident saying it was ‘Kenna League best practice’.

‘For me the best part of the Kenna auction is when league blazers argue over how to interpret the signing of an illegal player using the Titus Bramble forfeit process,’ said F1 Race Director Michael Masi.

‘Bramble regulations are written down somewhere, but these appear to be largely discarded in favour of an arbitrary and subjective ruling based on factors such as which player the manager could lose, how much they paid for him, past Kenna success, how far into the Gary Player they are, and whether it will send the vice chairman into a 10-minute rant.

‘When that safety car came out at the Yas Marina circuit I immediately knew I could ‘Give it the Bramble’,’said Masi.

The Kenna chairman welcomed Masi’s comments.

‘Leading sports administrators should always look to learn best practice from each other, it’s why we regularly enjoy a Zurich lunch at Kenna HQ while being wary of Yorkshiremen.’

The Kenna and the FIA have a rich shared history. While the 2008 Kenna auction took place at the Edgar Wallace on Essex Street, just around the corner FIA president Max Moseley won a case at the Royal Courts of Justice to the effect that even though he took part in a Nazi-themed orgy the newspapers shouldn’t have published it.

‘Max has been close to the heart of our list of Bramble forfeit players ever since,’ said the chairman.

Kenna League week 14

Kenna week 14 - 14 December 2021
Kenna week 14 – 13 December 2021
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Kenna auction ‘wasn’t a party’

Families of Covid victims have expressed outrage over reports the world’s leading London pub-based fantasy football league held a party in violation of social distancing restrictions.

Kenna HQ maintains the August auction was an ‘essential’ activity respecting Covid rules, but a photo of an obscene bar bill which emerged this week has drawn infuriated criticism.

‘The August auction was essential league business attended by only six managers in person. It certainly did not include cheese, wine, Christmas jumpers, or a Secret Santa. The fact it included countless pints of Neck Oil is neither here nor there,” guffawed the Kenna chairman at a press conference rehearsal.

Repeated denials a party took place have angered the public, many of whom have pointed out someone died from Covid for every time a manager signed an overpriced player.

With pressure mounting on the Kenna executive, the chairman was forced to send out a sacrificial lamb.

In a tearful address outside his London home this morning, the vice chairman said: “I will regret my decision not to attend the auction for the rest of my life.

“The British people have made immense sacrifices in the battle against Covid-19.

“To all of you who lost loved ones, endured intolerable loneliness and struggled with your businesses – I am sorry and this afternoon I have offered my resignation to the chairman.”

The Kenna HQ faithful broke ranks to condemn the league’s actions.

“Young people look to the Kenna League as a moral guide and the pinnacle of achievement on equal terms. Those young people have not only been led astray, they’ve been severely let down,” said Kenna Head of Child Safeguarding Ghislaine Maxwell.

Kenna League week 13

Kenna week 13 - 7 December 2021
Kenna week 13 – 7 December 2021

Kenna League week 12

Kenna week 12 – 1 December 2021

Kenna League week 11

Kenna week 11 – 24 November 2021
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