Trophy cabinet Champions 2005/06 Canesten Combi Cup winner 2006 Treble in 2009/2010 (league, cup, Dr Khumalo World Cup 2010) Narcozep Cup winner 2017 Euros Super League winner 2020+1
THE Kenna League treasurer is set to make an appeal after he became the first manager in history to Bramble himself on a silent bid.
The absent manager put forward three strikers among his silent bids before the auction Michail Antonio, Edison Cavani, and Ferran Torres.
Having signed Antonio and Cavani, the treasurer successfully bid for Torres. The error was uncovered with much mirth from managers in attendance.
Cavani, who went on to be signed by the chairman for £21m, was removed from the treasurer’s team to be replaced with Titus Bramble player Jimmy Savile.
Kenna HQ expects an appeal this week.
The first auction in person for two years took on a different dynamic to previous Kenna events.
Just six managers showed up in person, with nine more submitting silent bids. The opening hour of the auction saw five of the managers present try to second guess just how much money each absent manager had placed on their maximum of four players.
From then on it was a case of supply outstripping demand, as those present were faced little opposition to making their preferred signings in a torrent of Neck Oil and Pilsner Urquell.
A record of 117 players will now go through the autofill. With so much talent unsigned those in The Larrik were rightly concerned they could be outdone by a completely autofilled team.
TWO Kenna managers began their trophy collections on the weekend after a combined 21 seasons of trying.
Bala Rinas confirmed their league title having comfortably topped the table for 29 weeks, picking up the October, December, and March manager of the month awards on the way.
The Kenna treasurer’s big money auction signing Sir Marcus (£29m) was among the season’s top ten performers, and will be drinking for free in the pubs of Bala now local parents have a bit more money in their pockets.
Pikey Scum, the 2018 champions, put in a spirited performance but have been in no danger of catching Bala for weeks finishing second.
The Norris Bros make up the rest of the top four. With three relegations and a highest previous finish of ninth in eight seasons, Piss Poor excelled themselves to come third.
Coming into the season trophy-less since his league, cup, and Emerson World Cup treble in 2014, the tale of the fallen (Death) Star continues for the Dark Lord, who just lost out on the Covid Cup to Hairy Fadjeetas.
Fadges toiled in the league finishing in 14th, but the luck of the knockout cup draw saw them face the only two teams lower placed than them in the league – in the quarter finals (Lokomotiv Leeds, 16th) and semi finals (Craft Beer Wankers, 17th) – before a first proper test in the final.
The top six places in the league were occupied by managers ‘on the phones’, who dialled into the September auction remotely.
The rule of six managers in ‘the garden’ finished in 7th, 9th, 10th, 12th, 13th, and 15th, boasting one manager of the month award between them.
‘Midtable,’ tweeted Opta Joe.
Attentions now turn to next Saturday’s Euros Super League auction, or at least the attentions of five managers, who are the only ones to confirm attendance.
Covid Cup final result
Hairy Fadjeetas 50 – 46 The Dark Lord
Kenna week 34
Kenna League week 34 – 24 May 2021 – Final standings and MOTMs
Prize money
Bala Rinas – £180 (Champions: £150, MOTMx3: £30)
Hairy Fadjeetas – £75 (Cup winner)
Pikey Scum – £70 (Runner up: £50, MOTMx2: £20)
Piss Poor – £35 (Third: £25, MOTM: £10)
FC Testiculadew – £20 (Wenger Trophy: £10, MOTM: £10)
Excavation work is to begin at a cafe where police have been searching for the Bala Rinas’ double hopes.
The league treasurer‘s chance of winning the Kenna title and cup went missing last week and police have been searching the cellar of the the Dark Lord‘s premises.
Officers were called to FC Testicualdew on 7 May following suggestions a cup run may have been buried there.
There is enough evidence for excavation work to take place, police said.
Bala Rinas had hoped to win a maiden league and cup after 11 seasons in the Kenna League, but will have to settle for the title with an unassailable 98-point lead.
FC Testiculadew face long-time rivals Hairy Fadjeetas in this weekend’s Covid Cup final.
The pinstripes in Kenna HQ’s speculations department are massively favouring the Dark Lord, who despite not winning a trophy for seven years has two doubles to his name.
