Oxford pub crawl World Cup fantasy football auction – rules published

Police have warned Oxford publicans to remain vigilant of ‘grey Brambling’ next Saturday (13 June) after rules for the Roy Wegerle World Cup auction pub crawl were published.

Managers from the world’s leading London pub-based fantasy football league are expected to descend on a succession of Oxford pubs as they attempt to buy 11 players in a 4-3-3 formation under ‘Bramble rules’ (section 1 below).

‘There is a high likelihood the new pub crawl format will lead to errant and unpunished auction activity,’ began a police message to landlords, before explaining the concept of grey Brambling as bidding on an illegal player without eventually signing them (section 4).

Licence holders are also advised to familiarise themselves with new Wegerle sin bin rules whereby the offending manager is not only prohibited from buying any players until the next pub, but may have to buy the whole league a round for the vague description of ‘excessive participation’ in auction proceedings (sections 5.2 and 5.3).

‘I just hope the chairman decides we’re a 15-lot pub rather than a 10-lot pub,’ said one Oxford pub landlord who wished to remain anonymous in reference to section 2 of the rules. ‘I’ve heard this lot can run up a bar tab to negate the blockage of the Strait of Hormuz.’

The Punter, The Bear Inn, The Star and The Lamb & Flag found out they were among pubs on the crawl when plans were leaked earlier this week.

‘Space, vibe and quality of pilsner will be foremost in my thinking when deciding on how long we stay,’ the league chairman told journalists on Abingdon Road through his rolled-down car window this morning. ‘Now would you mind standing back, I want to get this car washed.’

Wegerle World Cup auction pub crawl rules

  1. Bramble rules
  2. Bidding rules
  3. Titus Bramble ruling
  4. ‘Grey Brambling’
  5. Sin bin – process
  6. Sin bin – auction offences
  7. Sin bin – pub offences
  8. Autofill
  9. Sticker packs

1. Bramble rules

  1. £100m budget
  2. 4-3-3
  3. No more than one player from a country
  4. Lowest value for a player is £0.5m
  5. No bidding £0.5m after £1m
  6. Positions as per https://play.fifa.com/fantasy/team 
  7. Scoring as per https://play.fifa.com/fantasy/help/guidelines. Scores will be published at intervals during the tournament, with final scores published afterwards.

2. Bidding rules

For the first time the auction will be run during a pub crawl rather than a single venue. There will be at least 110 players to be auctioned over a crawl of eight or nine pubs. 

  1. There is no set lot list and no player list will be provided other than https://play.fifa.com/fantasy/team 
  2. The chairman will decide the number of lots to be auctioned at each pub. The first lot will be a sticker pack (see section 9), followed by either 10 or 15 lots at the chairman’s discretion, taking into consideration factors such as space, vibe and pilsner quality.
  3. Managers take it in turns to introduce players to auction, starting to the auctioneer’s left
  4. Once the last player sale is recorded, the next manager has 20 seconds to introduce a player name (plus position and country if asked by the auctioneer) or they will be sin binned (see section 5)
  5. The manager should only give one name in the 20-second timeframe. Saying a name then quickly retracting it will get the manager sin binned.
  6. Every manager must introduce a player in each round, with the exception of the auctioneer.
  7. If a manager tries to introduce a player outside of his 20-second timeframe, either before the last player sale is recorded or when it is not their turn, they will get sin binned.
  8. Any manager bidding point five after £1m will get sin binned.

3. Titus Bramble ruling

  1. Illegal player returned to the pot and manager fined half the value paid
  2. Space filled with Bramble player
  3. Two players from the same country – more expensive player removed
  4. Too many players in one position – last purchase returned to the pot, most expensive player in the position returned to the pot, manager fined half the value of the latter, space filled with Bramble player
  5. Manager goes over budget – most expensive player returned to the pot, manager fined half the value paid, space filled with Bramble player
  6. The Titus Bramble ruling is only triggered once the hammer has come down on a player sale. 
  7. Once the TB ruling details are confirmed the offending manager is sin binned.

4. ‘Grey Brambling’

There is a grey area in the TB ruling when a manager either introduces a player or bids on a player that would trigger the Titus Bramble ruling if signed. This is shall be known as ‘grey Brambling’, and the following rules are introduced to deter it:

  1. If a manager makes a grey Bramble bid all other managers should stop bidding so the hammer can come down and the TB ruling is triggered
  2. If a manager has made a grey Bramble bid, but another manager has outbid him, the bid stays live and, if identified before the hammer goes down, the grey Brambler is sin binned after the player is sold
  3. If a manager makes a grey Bramble bid and no one notices, the manager is free from any reprisals after the hammer comes down on that player.

5. Sin bin – process

  1. Only the chairman, or a second chosen by the chairman, can sin bin a manager
  2. If a manager is sin binned they cannot bid on any players until the next pub
  3. Once sin binned a manager may remain in the auction circle but excessive participation in the auction proceedings may result in a penalty fine of buying the whole league a round at the next pub
  4. If a manager spots someone committing a sin bin offence they can bring this to the attention of the chairman, but must do so in a polite manner

6. Sin bin – auction offences

  1. Quickly retracting a bid
  2. Triggering the Titus Bramble forfeit
  3. Buying an ‘on the beach’ player
  4. Asking the auctioneer any questions during bidding
  5. Bidding point five after £1m (even in jest)
  6. Signing Erling Haaland
  7. Bidding while on the pavement outside the pub (unless the auction is taking place on the pavement outside the pub)
  8. Attempting to introduce a player before the last sale is recorded
  9. Attempting to introduce a player when it’s not your turn
  10. Taking more than 20 seconds to introduce a player when it’s your turn
  11. Failing to meet a request from the chairman

7. Sin bin – pub offences

  1. Buying a one-drink round
  2. Switching the TV from the agreed channel
  3. The team you support scores a goal – doesn’t apply if you’re in the sin bin
  4. Sexually assaulting a professional footballer
  5. Dismembering a journalist

8. Autofill

Conventional, domestic autofill rules will not be applied. If a manager finishes the auction with spaces in their team, those spaces will be filled after the auction at the chairman’s discretion.

9. Sticker packs

  1. The first lot at each pub will be a Panini sticker pack. Each pack contains seven stickers.
  2. The manager with the highest bid can choose which player to sign from the seven in the pack. Bramble rules apply.
  3. ‘Shiny’ stickers, either country FA logos or Tournament branding, and team stickers do not count as a player.
  4. If a pack contains two stickers with the same player the manager must sign that player.
  5. If one of the players in the pack has already been signed by another manager (Manager B), either from a previous pack or after a routine bid, the manager who bought the pack (Manager A) can compulsory purchase that player for the value paid for the pack. Manager B will either make or lose money from the sale depending on how much they initially paid for the player.
Share Button

Inspector Morse Oxford pub crawl

IF one tired of London pubs is tired of life, what of one tired of London pub crawls?

Having visited the capital’s ale houses along bus, boat, Tube, tram and train routes over the last three years, a change in the air was needed.

There are many shortcomings to the nation’s rail services, but they do open up a whole array of towns and pubs to the dedicated drinker. And what more zealous tippler could there be than Inspector Morse?

Crime fiction’s biggest pub lover was often seen doing his best ‘thinking’ in the charming boozers of Oxford.

The ancient university city is an hour by train from the capital, making eight bars in the environs of Jericho and the city centre a walkable target for the London day tripper.

Paddington station was the rendezvous for five regular crawlers on Saturday 14 November 2015: the Kenna League chairman, the Pirate, Lady Norman, Sutcliffe and Dazza – who was once again on gents hand dryer rating patrol.

At this point, recognition must be paid to Christopher Sullivan, whose detailed research on the pubs of Morse was an essential part of planning.

1. The Morse Bar, The Randolph Hotel (map)

The Morse cocktail
The Morse Bar: Opulent beginnings

Despite the gloomy weather at Oxford train station, crawlers felt refreshed from a journey in which fellow passengers on the 11.21 had engaged in both conversation and our supply of brandy and coke. Pub recommendations flowed with the chat, and at least one pub was added to the itinerary.

Making our way east towards the city, umbrellas were up. Moist from light rain, we entered the small cocktail bar of The Randolph Hotel. It was filled with a mix of tourists and older patrons who looked a regular feature.

The waiter baulked when we ordered five Morse cocktails. A fiddly drink to make for even the most skilled barkeep, our man persevered. After a brief interlude five tipplers were showing signs of either displeasure or enjoyment depending on their interpretation of champagne, vanilla spirit, bourbon and something else garnished with long strain of orange zest.

The drink divided opinion but the surroundings did not. The wood panelling and nod to the fictitious chief inspector hanging above the fireplace was by far the most salubrious snug this posse had found themselves on a crawl. At £66 for the round, it was a pity Sergeant Lewis wasn’t ‘in the chair’ to pick up the tab.

The Randloph Hotel gents hand dryer

 

2. The Old Bookbinders Ale House, Jericho (map)

The Old Bookbinders Ale House, Oxford
The Old Bookbinders Ale House: Inspiration at the bar

The whip decimated, we made our way into the neighbourhood of Jericho and The Olde Bookbinders Ale House. The rain had not yet let up, so it was with great pleasure we crowded into what would turn out to be one of the best pubs of any crawl.

Situated opposite ‘Canal Reach’, the murder scene from the first televised Morse The Dead of Jericho, the Bookbinders is a tremendous pub. Authentic, cosy and a fine selection of drinks, it seemed a pity to stay for just one. The French landlord was as welcoming as his pub. His bonhomie and hospitality was extended to the toilet artwork. Captivating.

The Old Bookbinders Ale House gents hand dryer

3. The Jericho Tavern, Jericho (map)

The Jericho Tavern, Oxford
The Jericho Tavern: Live performance arts

It’s a short walk from the Bookbinders to The Jericho Tavern. A spacious, echoey pub with wooden floors, a high ceiling and according to the pin board a fine heritage as a live music venue.

Morse was seen disappearing into this establishment in the closing scenes of The Silent World of Nicholas Quinn. An adult film at the cinema next door proves crucial in solving the case. At the end of episode the chief inspector is disappointed to find the skin flick has been replaced by 101 Dalmatians, so he ducks into The Jericho Tavern instead. Classic Morse.

And a wise move. The beer selection was little short of outstanding. That is unless you’ve got the palette of Sutcliffe, whose customary resort to ‘the darkest thing on the menu’ – in ale, as well as life – was rewarded with the amber Doom Bar. He found little recompense in the balance-the-20p-on-the-bobbing-lemon-to-get-a-free-drink game, as did all crawlers.

The Jericho Tavern gents hand dryer

4. The Eagle & Child, St Giles (map)

The Eagle & Child, Oxford
The Eagle & Child: Rabble

A heated discussion on Stephen Fry’s value to society later, we cut east across a footpath through academic buildings. The brandy and coke, cocktails and beer manifested themselves in another debate: what constitutes an afro. In hindsight, how a man with a ginger beard offered a valid point on this matter was a mystery with which Morse would have wrestled longer than The Times crossword.

JRR Tolkein and other literary big hitters used to hang out at the Eagle & Child, but on our visit there was no more than tourists and wet umbrellas.

The pub is narrow and wood panelled. The number of tourists ordering mulled wine meant one could have read The Lord of the Rings trilogy while waiting to get served.

Finding a table in the conservatory area at the back, I can’t imagine anyone from Oxford wanting to visit this tourist snare. Indeed, the closest it came to the chief inspector it was dressed up as a background wine bar.

The Eagle and Child gents hand dryer

5. The Lamb and Flag, St Giles (map)

The Lamb and Flag, Oxford
The Lamb and Flag: Ginger licking good

Taking advice from an Oxford graduate on the train that morning, crawlers traversed St Giles to the Lamb and Flag. This wasn’t in the original plan, but its proximity and the scholar’s conviction gave it a solid recommendation.

The Lamb and Flag is much preferable to the Eagle & Child. Open, warm and with beer options adequate rather than outstanding, crawlers saw for the first time that day some real students celebrating after their graduation ceremony. And I thought girls only wore bow ties in gentleman’s magazines.

The Lamb and Flag gents hand dryer

6. The King’s Arms, Hollywell Street (map)

The King's Arms, Oxford
The King’s Arms: Two pubs after earlier disagreements over hair, they were friends again.

Taking the Lamb and Flag passage from the pub, the crawl reached Parks Road and took at right. A few minutes walk through yet more sandstone university buildings and now the pubs come thick and fast.

The King’s Arms was up first. It was packed with more bow ties than the Playboy Mansion. By now the day’s repast was beginning to take it’s toll and events slid past with remarkable ease and conviviality.

Immersed in the academic world, for the Pirate it was time to put some of that Somali charm to work. While not disastrous, other audiences have been more receptive to his chat. Pity, with his prolific London Tinder history he could have found an ideal match in a freshly-graduated immunologist.

The King's Arms gents hand dryer

7. The White Horse, Broad Street (map)

The White Horse, Oxford
The White Horse: Lairy punters

Undeterred, we bounded around the corner onto Broad Street and The White Horse. With three of the five crawlers standing over six feet tall, it’s a bit of a crouch from street level down the step and through the low doorway.

A corridor of a pub with bar one side and banquettes the other greets the visitor. Peroni was the pick of the lager in here, but we were straying dangerously close to the jaws of the tourist trap again.

The White Horse gents hand dryer

8. Turf Tavern, Bath Place (map)

Turf Tavern, Oxford
Turf Tavern: Wet

It was with relief then, we piled into Turf Tavern 50 metres away. A firm favourite with Morse, this labyrinthine boozer appears to be built on the design of a rabbit warren. By now steady rain was falling, so we huddled under one of the giant umbrella squares erected to protect patio tipplers. The ebb and flow of the chatter was pleasant and effortless. If only I could remember what the hell was being discussed.

Turf Tavern gents hand dryer

9. The Mitre Beefeater, The High (map)

From here the crawl became unwieldy. Walking south on Catte Street and turning right at the High, crawlers made another bonus pub visit. I say pub, but The Mitre is a Beefeater.

Morse does happen into here in one of the books, but waiting for Sutcliffe’s bowl of chips while drinking over-commercialised pilsner fails to fire many synapses, or to inspire Sutcliffe to get his camera out. The chief inspector would have solved few crimes in such a setting.

Turf Tavern gents hand dryer

10. The Bear Inn, Alfred Street (map)

The White Company
He was sick of society’s unconscious bias

Crossing the High and going down Alfred Street the crawl made it’s last official stop at The Bear Inn. This pub is old with dark beams and plenty of trade. After eight hours on the pop, other details are scant. We had something to drink. It was in a pint-shaped glass. Probably beer.

Having completed the crawl with at least 90 minutes until the 8.21 to London, it was a meandering path back to the station. We stopped at one of the many new new and characterless bars along the road back to the station to kill time.

We stocked up on Polish lager outside the station. The train ride home is a complete blank.

The Bear Inn gents hand dryer

Conclusion

The spires and sandstone of Oxford were a welcome change from the suburban dives and city centre faux show of London. The pubs are by and large fantastic too, and one can see why Colin Dexter made Morse such a lover.

The proximity of the drinking houses means any able bodied drinker can stroll between them, and going at the customary 40-minutes-a-pub pace, we completed the objective in less than six and a half hours, including an additional three pubs.

Perhaps in hindsight it would do better to visit the older pubs (The Bear Inn, Turf Tavern etc) first, in order to better enjoy their historic environs. However, the direction of the crawl would be difficult to reverse. The Randolph Hotel doesn’t feel like somewhere one would be welcome 10 pubs to the good.

Even if one could negotiate the doorman with a skinful, consuming the Morse Cocktail would be a Pyrrhic victory.

Share Button