Trophy cabinet Champions 2005/06 Canesten Combi Cup winner 2006 Treble in 2009/2010 (league, cup, Dr Khumalo World Cup 2010) Narcozep Cup winner 2017 Euros Super League winner 2020+1
THE Kenna League treasurer is set to make an appeal after he became the first manager in history to Bramble himself on a silent bid.
The absent manager put forward three strikers among his silent bids before the auction Michail Antonio, Edison Cavani, and Ferran Torres.
Having signed Antonio and Cavani, the treasurer successfully bid for Torres. The error was uncovered with much mirth from managers in attendance.
Cavani, who went on to be signed by the chairman for £21m, was removed from the treasurer’s team to be replaced with Titus Bramble player Jimmy Savile.
Kenna HQ expects an appeal this week.
The first auction in person for two years took on a different dynamic to previous Kenna events.
Just six managers showed up in person, with nine more submitting silent bids. The opening hour of the auction saw five of the managers present try to second guess just how much money each absent manager had placed on their maximum of four players.
From then on it was a case of supply outstripping demand, as those present were faced little opposition to making their preferred signings in a torrent of Neck Oil and Pilsner Urquell.
A record of 117 players will now go through the autofill. With so much talent unsigned those in The Larrik were rightly concerned they could be outdone by a completely autofilled team.
The Kenna League chairman finally got round to confirming himself Euros Super League winner.
The trophy puts the chairman into the Kenna record books, as the first manager to win two international tournaments. He won ‘the Khumalo’ 2010 Dr Khumalo World Cup.
After speaking briefly of ’11 years of hurt’ in a press conference this morning, the chairman explained why it had taken him so long to share his good news.
‘Last week started badly on an emotional and a physical level. It was hard to acknowledge that football or sobriety could exist. Even the Kenna, that sacred lamb, was difficult to countenance.
‘Then I started taking an interest in transfer news and here we are.’
Having bared his soul, the chairman went about rubbing victory in managers’ faces.
‘How they laughed when I signed Jordan Pickford and Ronaldo at the auction, and they finish the tournament the two top points scorers.
‘How they laughed when I signed Patrick van Aanholt for £19m. He scored 17 points.
‘How they laughed at a midfield of Calhanoglu, Kroos, and Golovin, and admittedly they were awful, but they still scored 21 points between them.
‘Even one-game Timothy Castagne scored four points. Needless to say, I had the last laugh.’
Managers now look ahead to the domestic auction on Saturday 7 August. The chairman has promised to get ‘managers back in pubs’ based ‘not on dates or data, but daytime drinking’.
THE Piss Poor manager is in with a chance of his first ever Kenna silverware after a strong second round showing in the Euros Super League.
Three goals for Karim Benzema and Alvaro Morata, and an assist from Jack Grealish saw PP go within six points of the chairman’s side at the top of the table.
With seven games left to play, each of the three leading sides has just four players left in the tournament.
With Alessandro Florenzi an injury doubt and Timothy Castagne a squad player, the chairman will be hoping for Jordan Pickford’s sheet to remain unstained, and Vladimir Coufal to make a strong showing in the quarter finals.
Piss Poor look to have lost Kevin De Bruyne to injury, but Donnaruma, Grealish, and Morata all take good form into the weekend fixtures.
A 34-point deficit looks too much to overturn for the Craft Beer Wankers quartet of Yann Sommer, Ben Chilwell, Simon Kjaer, and Andrea Belotti.
Piss Poor have never impressed in the domestic league, relegated three times in eight seasons, but the manager has enjoyed more fortune on the international stage finishing second in the 2018 Dmitri Kharine World Cup.
The chairman extended his lead to 20 points after the second round of EurosSuper League group games.
Cristiano Ronaldo, Gareth Bale, and Jordan Pickford starred for the chairman, who last tasted international success lifting the Dr Khumalo World Cup in 2010.
The chairman, who’s supposed to be in the Algarve, spent the afternoon playing beach cricket in Sandbanks with the Thieving Magpies manager.
‘Apart from tearing my jeans spilling a diving catch, my second-ball dismissal, and having my bowling carted around by regular cricketers, I had a great time,’ said the chairman.
EVERY Kenna manager knows one, hard-learned fact of which executives at Coca-Cola would do well to take note: never bet against Cristiano Ronaldo.
Which is why it was strange at last weekend’s Euros Super League auction the chairman’s decision to pay £25m for the Portuguese was met with mockery.
Ronaldo’s brace, alongside a Vladimir Coufal clean sheet and assist puts ‘Chairmany‘ top of the table after one round of games.
The chairman’s side also achieved the exceptional feat of seeing all eleven players make an appearance, the only side in the Euros Super League to do so.
The Dark Lord lurks behind, the £37m for Romelu Lukaku (the most expensive player at the auction) immediately warranted with two goals.
Tournament debutant, but domestic cup competition specialist, the Clotted Cream First manager occupies third place, but mainly through the efforts of autofilled player Raphael Guerreiro.
‘I’m looking forward to the Friday night game,’ said the chairman. ‘Although I’m meeting the Cowley Casuals manager in a pub serving Deya Steady Rolling Man two hours before kick off so I just hope I remember it.’
