Northern Monkeys

Manager: Hugo (Tyneside)

Twitter name: @Hugeist

Since: Debut

Trophy cabinet: Empty

Sympathies: Newcastle

Darts music: How You Like Me Now? – The Heavy

Outlook: Shrewd auction business from the debutant, but questions remain over Edin Dzeko’s ability to hold down a starting place and whether Papiss Cisse’s can carry over the incredible form he displayed last season. Will the outcome of an FA investigation affect appearance points in defence?

(B) = player awarded under the Titus Bramble ruling

Friedel, B TOT £0.5m
Hangeland, B FUL £11m
Distin, S EVE £6m
Bassong, S NOR £30m
Ridgewell, L WBA £14m
Cleverley, T MUN £8.5m
deGuzman, J SWA £20m
Cazorla, S ARS £7.5m
Gardner, C SUN £5m
Dzeko, E MCY £1.5m
Cisse, P NEW £15m
 Total £119m

Second transfer window – 1 February 2013

Out     In
Terry, J CHE £14m Bassong, S NOR £30m
McAnuff, J AVL £9.5m deGuzman, J SWA £20m
Park, J CHE £6m Gardner, C SUN £5m

First transfer window – 26 October 2012

Out     In
Pearce, A REA £3m Ridgewell, L WBA £14m
Delph, F (B) AVL £7.5m McAnuff, J REA £9.5m
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Pirates frogmarch up the table

Rug whack
Rugs whacked: Hairy Fadjeetas moved both out of the relegation zone and into the cup semis

PAPISS Demba Cisse notched two goals as his team swaggered into the top half of the table.

Gareth Bale and Matt Jarvis added two more, while Sylvan Distin picked up two clean sheets in a bumper week for Spartak Mogadishu.

“Blistering barnacles!” said the Spartak boss, as balaclava-clad men carrying MP5s abseiled through his cabin windows and cable-tied his hands behind his back. “All this for a bunch of flip flops.”

Cup quarters results

A Mitchell brothers final is shaping up in the Cannestan Combi Cup as FC Testiculadew and Headless Chickens cruised through their respective quarters.

Chickens will have to navigate their way past an unlikely Hairy Fadjeetas in the semis. The Fadges also clawed their way out of the relegation zone this week.

Kenna reigning champions Young Boys have now been knocked out of the cup and are struggling in the title race.

PSV Mornington will be hoping to make something of their season by overcoming FCT.

Newington Reds 31 (55) – 41 (76) FC Testiculadew

Young Boys 40 (62) – 34 (67) PSV Mornington

Pikey Scum 19 (35) – 30 (79) Headless Chickens

Dynamo Charlton 30 (43) – 28 (50) Hairy Fadjeetas

Semi final games

Wednesday 11 April – leg one

FC Testiculadew v PSV Mornington
Headless Chickens v Hairy Fadjeetas

Wednesday 25 April – leg two

PSV Mornington v FC Testiculadew
Hairy Fadjeetas v Headless Chickens

Weekly scores - 28 March 2012
Weekly scores - 28 March 2012
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