premiership – The Jeff Kenna League

Kenna club guide – Midlands and West

Immediately identify Kenna players in Midlands and West clubs: Aston Villa, Stoke, Swansea and West Brom.

Aston Villa

Given, S	GK	Dynamo Charlton	£13m
Dunne, R	DEF	Greendale Rockets	£3.5m
Hutton, A	DEF	Judean Peoples’ Front	£0.5m
Warnock, S	DEF	Hairy Fadjeetas	£2m
Holman, B	MID	Lokomotiv Leeds	£0.5m
N’Zogbia, C	MID	Sporting Lesbian	£6.5m
El Ahmadi, K	MID	Pikey Scum	£3m
Ireland, S	MID	Woking	£7m
Delph, F	MID	Northern Monkeys	£7.5m
Agbonlahor, G	STR	PSV Mornington	£7m
Bent, D	STR	Piedmonte	£16m

Stoke

Sorensen, T	GK	Woking	£4m
Wilson, M	DEF	Sporting Lesbian	£2m
Huth, R	DEF	Pikey Scum	£5m
Shawcross, R	DEF	Spartak Mogadishu	£11m
Upson, M	DEF	Dynamo Charlton	£2.5m
Delap, R	MID	PSV Mornington	£0.5m
Pennant, J	MID	Vasco De Beauvoir	£1m
Kightly, M	MID	Greendale Rockets	£5m
Etherington, M	MID	Newington Reds	£6m
Walters, J	STR	Lokomotiv Leeds	£7m
Crouch, P	STR	FC Testicluadew	£2m

Swansea

Taylor, N	DEF	Greendale Rockets	£0.5m
Rangel, A	DEF	Newington Reds	£3m
Williams, A	DEF	Hairy Fadjeetas	£3.5m
Michu	MID	Sporting Lesbian	£2.5m
Routledge, W	MID	Headless Chickens	£1m
Britton, L	MID	Judean Peoples’ Front	£0.5m
Sinclair, S	MID	FC Testicluadew	£11m
Dyer, N	MID	Piedmonte	£10m
Lita, L	STR	Vasco De Beauvoir	£20m
Graham, D	STR	Dynamo Charlton	£10m

West Brom

Foster, B	GK	Sporting Lesbian	£6.5m
McAuley, G	DEF	Vasco De Beauvoir	£0.5m
Olsson, J	DEF	Just put Carles	£0.5m
Tamas, G	DEF	Woking	£5.5m
Morrison, J	MID	Still Don’t Know Yet	£2.5m
Brunt, C	MID	Pikey Scum	£4m
Mulumbu, Y	MID	Newington Reds	£1.5m
Lukaku, R	STR	Spartak Mogadishu	£14m
Odemwingie, P	STR	Wandsworth Window Lickers	£6m

London club guide

North west club guide

North east club guide

East and South club guide

Kenna club guide – East and South

Immediately identify Kenna players in east and south Premier League clubs: Norwich, Reading and Southampton.

Norwich

Ruddy, J	GK	FC Testicluadew	£1.5m
Pilkington, A	MID	Headless Chickens	£3.5m
Snodgrass, R	MID	Dynamo Charlton	£6.5m
Hoolahan, W	MID	Hairy Fadjeetas	£2.5m
Holt, G	STR	Bala Rinas	£9m

Reading

Federici, A	GK	Lokomotiv Leeds	£0.5m
Harte, I	DEF	Vasco De Beauvoir	£10m
Pearce, A	DEF	Northern Monkeys	£3m
McCleary, G	MID	Hairy Fadjeetas	£0.5m
Pogrebnyak, P	STR	Pikey Scum	£8.5m

Southampton

Gazzaniga, P	GK	PSV Mornington	£4.5m
Clyne, N	DEF	Wandsworth Window Lickers	£6m
Lallana, A	MID	Spartak Mogadishu	£14m
Sharp, B	STR	Woking	£1.5m
Lambert, R	STR	Piedmonte	£13m

London club guide

North west club guide

North east club guide

Midlands and West club guide

Kenna club guide – North east

Immediately identify Kenna players in north east Premier League clubs: Newcastle and Sunderland.

Newcastle

Krul, T	GK	Spartak Mogadishu	£21m
Ferguson, S	DEF	Still Don’t Know Yet	£1m
Santon, D	DEF	Sporting Lesbian	£4m
Williamson, M	DEF	Greendale Rockets	£4m
Taylor, S	DEF	Dynamo Charlton	£5m
Simpson, D	DEF	FC Testicluadew	£6.5m
Coloccini, F	DEF	Piedmonte	£10m
Taylor, R	MID	Lokomotiv Leeds	£0.5m
Marveaux, S	MID	Bala Rinas	£2m
Gutierrez, J	MID	Vasco De Beauvoir	£5m
Tiote, C	MID	Judean Peoples’ Front	£0.5m
Ben Arfa, H	MID	Hairy Fadjeetas	£6.5m
Cabaye, Y	MID	Woking	£17m
Ba, D	STR	PSV Mornington	£17m
Cisse, P	STR	Northern Monkeys	£15m

Sunderland

Mignolet, S	GK	Hairy Fadjeetas	£5.5m
Brown, W	DEF	PSV Mornington	£3m
Bardsley, P	DEF	Headless Chickens	£2.5m
Cuellar, C	DEF	Dynamo Charlton	£4m
O’Shea, J	DEF	Wandsworth Window Lickers	£5.5m
Johnson, A	MID	Piedmonte	£4.5m
McClean, J	MID	Bala Rinas	£14m
Cattermole, L	MID	Still Don’t Know Yet	£2.5m
Sessegnon, S	MID	Sporting Lesbian	£13m
Larsson, S	MID	Woking	£9m
Campbell, F	STR	Spartak Mogadishu	£0.5m

London club guide

North west club guide

East and South club guide

Midlands and West club guide

Kenna club guide – North west

Immediately identify Kenna players in north west Premier League clubs: Everton, Liverpool, Manchester City, Manchester United and Wigan Athletic.

Everton

Howard, T	GK	Newington Reds	£8m
Baines, L	DEF	Woking	£22m
Distin, S	DEF	Northern Monkeys	£6m
Neville, P	DEF	Bala Rinas	£4m
Jagielka, P	DEF	Still Don’t Know Yet	£7.5m
Heitinga, J	DEF	PSV Mornington	£6m
Hibbert, T	DEF	Vasco De Beauvoir	£5m
Osman, L	MID	Just put Carles	£0.5m
Fellaini, M	MID	Wandsworth Window Lickers	£9m
Pienaar, S	MID	FC Testicluadew	£12m
Jelavic, N	STR	Judean Peoples’ Front	£21m

Liverpool

Reina, P	GK	Greendale Rockets	£16m
Agger, D	DEF	Bala Rinas	£15m
Skrtel, M	DEF	Newington Reds	£17m
Enrique, J	DEF	Judean Peoples’ Front	£13m
Carragher, J	DEF	Wandsworth Window Lickers	£0.5m
Johnson, G	DEF	Piedmonte	£8m
Downing, S	MID	Pikey Scum	£8m
Gerrard, S	MID	Still Don’t Know Yet	£15m
Leiva, L	MID	PSV Mornington	£0.5m
Henderson, J	MID	Just put Carles	£0.5m
Allen, J	MID	Woking	£7m
Borini, F	STR	Vasco De Beauvoir	£19m
Suarez, L	STR	Sporting Lesbian	£36m

Manchester City

Hart, J	GK	Judean Peoples’ Front	£22m
Savic, S	DEF	Bala Rinas	£10m
Zabaleta, P	DEF	Greendale Rockets	£7m
Kompany, V	DEF	Headless Chickens	£18m
Lescott, J	DEF	Hairy Fadjeetas	£12m
Richards, M	DEF	Woking	£12m
Milner, J	MID	Newington Reds	£0.5m
Silva, D	MID	Just put Carles	£32m
Nasri, S	MID	Wandsworth Window Lickers	£15m
Toure, Y	MID	FC Testicluadew	£21m
Balotelli, M	STR	Still Don’t Know Yet	£23m
Aguero, S	STR	Sporting Lesbian	£12m
Adebayor, E	STR	Pikey Scum	£0.5m
Tevez, C	STR	Dynamo Charlton	£30m
Dzeko, E	STR	Northern Monkeys	£1.5m

Manchester United

de Gea, D	GK	Pikey Scum	£19m
Ferdinand, R	DEF	Vasco De Beauvoir	£6.5m
Evra, P	DEF	Spartak Mogadishu	£15m
Jones, P	DEF	Headless Chickens	£9.5m
Vidic, N	DEF	FC Testicluadew	£13m
Rafael	DEF	Piedmonte	£2m
Kagawa, S	MID	Lokomotiv Leeds	£26m
Nani	MID	Bala Rinas	£15m
Carrick, M	MID	Dynamo Charlton	£2.5m
Valencia, A	MID	Judean Peoples’ Front	£17m
Cleverley, T	MID	Northern Monkeys	£8.5m
Young, A	MID	Wandsworth Window Lickers	£15m
Rooney, W	STR	Greendale Rockets	£38m
Welbeck, D	STR	Just put Carles	£7m
Hernandez, J	STR	Woking	£5.5m
van Persie, R	STR	Still Don’t Know Yet	£35m

Wigan Athletic

Al-Habsi, A	GK	Vasco De Beauvoir	£2.5m
Figueroa, M	DEF	Sporting Lesbian	£0.5m
Boyce, E	DEF	Pikey Scum	£0.5m
Alcaraz, A	DEF	Just put Carles	£0.5m
Miyaichi, R	MID	Newington Reds	£5.5m

London club guide

North east club guide

East and South club guide

Midlands and West club guide

Kenna club guide – London

Immediately identify Kenna players in London clubs: Arsenal, Chelsea, Fulham, QPR, Spurs and West Ham

Arsenal

Szczesny, W	GK	Wandsworth Window Lickers	£19m
Gibbs, K	DEF	Sporting Lesbian	£15m
Sagna, B	DEF	Pikey Scum	£11m
Koscielny, L	DEF	Spartak Mogadishu	£17m
Vermaelen, T	DEF	Newington Reds	£17m
Squillaci, S	DEF	Judean Peoples’ Front	£0.5m
Santos, A	DEF	Woking	£2.5m
Rosicky, T	MID	Vasco De Beauvoir	£1.5m
Walcott, T	MID	Headless Chickens	£17m
Chamberlain, A	MID	Dynamo Charlton	£8.5m
Arteta, M	MID	Just put Carles	£16m
Cazorla, S	MID	Northern Monkeys	£7.5m
Giroud, O	STR	Lokomotiv Leeds	£6m
Gervinho	STR	Greendale Rockets	£0.5m
Chamakh, M	STR	Hairy Fadjeetas	£16.5m
Podolski, L	STR	FC Testicluadew	£11m

Chelsea

Cech, P	GK	Headless Chickens	£19m
Ivanovic, B	DEF	Lokomotiv Leeds	£10m
Cahill, G	DEF	Pikey Scum	£7.5m
Cole, A	DEF	Judean Peoples’ Front	£17m
Terry, J	DEF	Northern Monkeys	£14m
Luiz, D	DEF	FC Testicluadew	£3m
Mata, J	MID	PSV Mornington	£28m
Marin, M	MID	Sporting Lesbian	£0.5m
Ramires	MID	Vasco De Beauvoir	£12m
Meireles, R	MID	Greendale Rockets	£6m
Oscar	MID	Dynamo Charlton	£5.5m
Hazard, E	MID	Hairy Fadjeetas	£26m
McEachran, J	MID	Wandsworth Window Lickers	£9m
Moses, V	MID	Bala Rinas	£12m
Lampard, F	MID	Piedmonte	£16m
Torres, F	STR	Newington Reds	£37m
Sturridge, D	STR	Just put Carles	£20m

Fulham

Schwarzer, M	GK	Just put Carles	£0.5m
Riise, J	DEF	Lokomotiv Leeds	£10m
Senderos, P	DEF	PSV Mornington	£5m
Riether, S	DEF	Spartak Mogadishu	£0.5m
Hughes, A	DEF	Hairy Fadjeetas	£4m
Hangeland, B	DEF	Northern Monkeys	£11m
Frei, K	MID	FC Testicluadew	£5.5m
Rodallega, H	STR	Judean Peoples’ Front	£0.5m

QPR

Green, R	GK	Piedmonte	£0.5m
Fabio	DEF	Lokomotiv Leeds	£0.5m
Ferdinand, A	DEF	Still Don’t Know Yet	£4m
Fabio	DEF	PSV Mornington	£5m
Nelsen, R	DEF	Newington Reds	£0.5m
Young, L	DEF	Dynamo Charlton	£4m
Taarabt, A	MID	Spartak Mogadishu	£1m
W-Phillips, S	MID	Greendale Rockets	£6m
Park, J	MID	Northern Monkeys	£6m
Cisse, D	STR	Bala Rinas	£12m
Zamora, B	STR	Wandsworth Window Lickers	£2m

Spurs

Friedel, B	GK	Northern Monkeys	£0.5m
Kaboul, Y	DEF	Bala Rinas	£6.5m
Dawson, M	DEF	Headless Chickens	£6m
Walker, K	DEF	Just put Carles	£12m
Assou-Ekotto, B	DEF	Wandsworth Window Lickers	£7m
Vertonghen, J	DEF	FC Testicluadew	£13m
Sigurdsson, G	MID	Lokomotiv Leeds	£20m
Bale, G	MID	Pikey Scum	£30m
Modric, L	MID	Spartak Mogadishu	£1m
Lennon, A	MID	Greendale Rockets	£8.5m
Parker, S	MID	Judean Peoples’ Front	£0.5m
van der Vaart, R	MID	Piedmonte	£17m
Dempsey, C	MID	Headless Chickens	£21m
Dembele, M	STR	Newington Reds	£2.5m
Defoe, J	STR	Hairy Fadjeetas	£13m

West Ham

Jaaskelainen, J	GK	Bala Rinas	£0.5m
Collins, J	DEF	Just put Carles	£0.5m
Tomkins, J	DEF	Piedmonte	£3m
O’Neil, G	MID	Still Don’t Know Yet	£0.5m
Noble, M	MID	PSV Mornington	£8m
Nolan, K	MID	Spartak Mogadishu	£5m
Cole, C	STR	Headless Chickens	£1.5m
Carroll, A	STR	Headless Chickens	£1m